Formal Friday - A manifesto for restoring decorum to the workplace

"I began the revolution with 82 men. If I had to do it again, I do it with 10 or 15 and absolute faith. It does not matter how small you are if you have faith and plan of action."  Fidel Castro

If you believe Wikipedia, Casual Friday, and its bastard child Dress-Down Friday or Casual Day, were born in the US in the 1940s and given new life doing the dot-com boom of the late Twentieth Century.

Corporations and government departments around the world adopted Casual Friday in the vain hope that it would somehow boost morale and productivity among their staff - as if coming into work wearing jeans, t-shirts and sneakers on a Friday could somehow mitigate the spirit-raping, faeces-eating, face-glassing, rectum-invading despair of the modern corporate workplace.

I personally believe that Casual Friday was the opening salvo in a vicious dirty war that has reached its peak in Flexi-Desking (and its illegitimate offspring the 'clean-desk policy').

Yeah, I see it now - let us wear our comfy tops and jeans, and then when we're all happy, pliant and relaxed in our expandable waistbands...BANG take our desks away!!!

The fact that Casual Friday became popular during one of the most insidious of all the Fin De Siecle bubbles means it is ripe and ready to be euthanized – sooner rather than later.

A mercy killing is on its way, and it's called Formal Friday.  Formal Friday is Casual Friday's Jack Kervokian. Structured, tailored clothing is its carbon monoxide thingamajig.

Let us restore dignity, style and discomfort to the workplace - we must never forget Friday is still a work day and that the weekend starts on Saturday.

As of NOW, the following apparel will be banned from the workplace (and not just on Friday):

•               Denim (in all its manifestations - jackets, trousers, jeans, shorts and skirts, black, blue, faded or stonewashed) – no denim imitations either. Frayed hems will be met with public flogging

•               T-shirts

•               Trousers worn without a belt

•               Hoodies and any other 'polar fleece' items - The word 'Kathmandu' on clothing will be grounds for punishment along the lines of having to unload the communal dishwasher FOREVER

•               Chinos or Cargo pants

•               Sneakers, runners, Ugg boots

•               Too-short skirts

The following (non gender-specific) items will be encouraged, if not mandatory:

•               Tailored suits

•               Slacks, shirts, belts

•               Pinky rings

•               Cravats, ties, bow ties and kipper ties

•               French cuffs with cufflinks

•               Tie bars and tie pins

•               Pocket kerchiefs

•               Socks with garters / Stockings with suspenders / girdles and corsets

•               Cocktail dresses, pencil skirts and high heels

•               Monocles, spats, patent leather shoes, hats and flowers in lapels

•               Canes, large umbrellas, pocket fob watches

•               Silk scarves, gloves

Let the battle for hearts, minds and wardrobes begin.

Red Karpitz - President and Founder of the Formal Friday Movement (FFM)
Dusty Venetian - Vice-President of the Formal Friday Movement (FFM), Media Relations Advisor (ie Chief Propagandist from the Ministry of Truth), Sartorial Svengali to young men everywhere.


PS - looks like someone beat us to it, Red. Check out this entry on Urban Dictionary - Formal Friday