Save Our Cinema-going Experience

Veteran essayist Thomson’s thoughtful new book  is not just the story of traditional cinema; …he draws a fascinating parallel between the viewing experience of Edison’s nickelodeon, a single person watching a short film loop through a viewfinder, to the way we now watch YouTube-length clips on our computer screens, whether tablet- or smartphone-size… (Extract of Booklist review of David Thomson’s The Big Screen: the Story of the Movies).

Muddy K bought me a copy of the above-mentioned book a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t even run a cursory glance through it yet as I’m working through a list of other books acquired over the Summer break, but I know as confidently as I know that burgers are the new black, it’ll be a ripper read.

However, I wonder if Thommo  will examine the way the download /burn /steal /YouTube /smartphone generation  somehow invariably manages to ruin the shared cinema-going experience for the rest of us who actually know what constitutes appropriate conduct whilst in the company of others in a darkened movie-theatre.

Last night, Muddy and I tootled along to the Kino Cinemas  to watch Zero Dark Thirty. An otherwise excellent venue with a well-behaved crowd (even on Cheap-Arse Monday), we had the misfortune to sit next to a young man who kept removing his mobile phone from his pocket, tapping something into the keypad and shoving it back in his pocket every 10 minutes or so. The light from the phone’s display was bright, the clicks on the keypad just loud enough to notice and the elaborate removal and replacement of the phone from his pocket all combined to create a massive distraction. Nay, a fucking annoyance.

My glares in his direction had no effect. It wasn’t until Muddy leaned over me and said in his quietest and calmest voice “please stop doing that. It’s distracting”. To which the young man replied “what? I’m just checking the time”, to which I replied, “nope. You’re texting. This is not your lounge-room.” Luckily, he got the message and didn’t do it again for the rest of the film.

At the film’s close (and yes, Muddy and I are the sort of people who stick around until the very end of the credits) the young man turned to us and said rather petulantly “You didn’t have to shout at me. If you’d asked nicely I’d have stopped doing it. I was just checking the time.” To which I had no choice but to say, “clearly, the film wasn’t compelling enough for you.” His response: “It was shite”.

What this young man didn’t understand was:

1. Muddy was asking you nicely. That wasn’t ‘shouting’ my young friend, he just has an authoritative voice. Evidently, it works.
2. We shouldn’t have to ask you to stop fart-arsing around with your phone – texting is just like talking. This is a shared experience, so stop being inconsiderate.
3. If you’re not enjoying the film, absent yourself from it. Get up and wait for your friends outside. Don’t ruin it for the rest of us.

It’s impossible not to sound ‘generationist’ but I’m fast growing impatient with this younger cohort of cinema watchers. Please, please, please, please, please stay home and simultaneously watch your illegal downloads on your laptop in your PJs, wank, tweet, text, make an organic coffee and enjoy a cone or two and save the cinema for those of us who understand what the experience is all about.