Every now and then
Muddy K and I love to play the which-famous-actor/actress-would-you-leave-me-for
game. Muddy knows he has a serious rival in Gary Oldman whilst I bow to the
superior pulling-power of Kristin Scott-Thomas. This is a pretty tame exercise,
as anyone who knows us also knows that I like my men pale of complexion and
contrary of temperament and Muddy is drawn to raven-haired women who speak with
cut-glass vowels.
But here's an
interesting variation on a theme: who are the senior citizen actors you might
fancy if you were in your dotage? Or even now in your youth, if you felt the
urge to indulge a spot of ‘elder love’?
Note: Helen Mirren is excluded from this exercise. She might
be in her sixties but the words 'senior citizen' and 'dotage' do not apply.
Trust me. For Muddy, at least, she will always be Morgana
in Excalibur.
So here's my list of
Top 5 Geriatric Thespians Who Might Just Get Your Motor Running:
Olympia Dukakis - An apt choice because a) she's Greek
(proving that Mediterranean women DO have great skin), and because b) she was
beautifully cast as Belinda, the object of Ray Hueston's (played by Zach
Galifianakis) 'Elder
Love' obsession in Season 3 of HBO's brilliant
low-energy comedy Bored to Death.
The scenes between the then-80 year old Dukakis and 40 year old Galifianakis, as
lonely widow and comic-book artist man-child respectively, are both poignant
and hysterically funny. Nothing weird there. Ms Dukakis’ career took off when
she was nominated for an Oscar as Cher's mother in Moonstruck (1987) - which is why she has always been a senior in
our minds and why she will forever be cast as someone's mother. But when you
are that lively, that pretty and that funny at 83 you can be confident of my
vote for Serious GILF Material.
Gerald Mcraney - Major
Dad to some, Delta Burke's ex-husband to those who recall the daft Designing Women, Gerald Mcraney made me
sit up and take notice of him as the evil mining prospector and media-baron
George Hearst in HBO's Deadwood and
then again as the conniving, bird-strangling Raymond Tusk in Netflix's House of Cards. A gruff demeanour, perpetually
scowling resting face, pot-belly spread and baldness does not diminish this
man's attractiveness one iota. He has testosterone and presence to spare and
looks like the kind of guy who would clean your rifles, service your truck, recoat
your deck and sing your baby a raspy lullaby. Let's hope he keeps playing charismatic
baddies and never dons a toupee or shaves his face.
F Murray Abraham - I'm not gonna mince words, F Murray
Abraham is ugly. F Murray Abraham has bad skin. F Murray Abraham is also
extraordinarily charismatic with an exquisitely beautiful speaking voice. Deep,
resonant, a little bit gravelly, this man could recite the phone book and you'd
sit up and listen. Anyone over the age of 43 will recognise him as the tormented
Salieri from the film adaptation of Amadeus,
but most viewers will recognise a versatile and scene-stealing character actor
who pops up in Woody Allen films, assorted network and cable TV shows (his Louie and Bored to Death cameos are priceless) and just about anything else
that needs an authoritative voice, an expressive face and excellent timing.
Also, he seriously rocks a beard.
Diana Rigg - The
Avengers' Mrs Emma Peel was the ultimate sexual fantasy
figure for the late 1960s. No-one was as fetching as Ms Rigg (now Dame Diana
Rigg) in head-to-toe leather and high hair and she has the honour of being the
Bond girl who would actually marry the super-spy. Given her sex symbol status,
she might not have aged quite so gracefully and elected to become a bit of a
plastic surgery joke. No chance. This old bird is too classy for that. Muddy
and I had the pleasure of seeing Dame Diana on stage in The
Hollow Crown the same year we got married and can say without
hesitation she was amazing. She has a killer cameo in Ricky Gervais' Extras, displaying an excellent sense of
humour and drollery when Daniel Radcliffe's ‘johnny’ lands on her head. She is
also wonderful as the Tyrell matriarch in Game
of Thrones. That dreadful wimple can't hide those eyes and cheekbones.
Still got it.
Donald Sutherland - This man might have worked for some as a
young actor in M*A*S*H and Klute, but not me. Bland, blonde, sullen
and dull in appearance, the only thing this guy had to offer was his Canadian
accent and hypnotic voice. But then I saw Six
Degrees of Separation and I noticed a handsome, white-haired,
lushly-bearded and very distinguished man with piercing blue eyes – and a voice
deeper than I remembered - and I was a goner. Yes, he may look more
grandfatherly than ever, but he's also way sexier than ever.
Who else might we add
to the list? Feel free to post your suggestions here.
