It seems my recent rant has prompted some friends and readers to send me some of their special workplace cliches, plus pet grammatical beefs fit for a follow-up post. Big thanks to Red, Shaggy and some workplace colleagues (who haven't yet been assigned DV-nicknames) for the following contributions:
"Fire drill" - American corporate speak for "complete waste of time". This hasn't yet made it to our shores. Though I think this is rather witty, I can't understand why we can't just all say: "a complete waste of time"...
"Around" used as an oblique substitution for "about" - this had gone unnoticed by yours truly, but since it was brought to my attention, I've noticed it more and more. Grrr.
"Invite" as a noun. Emphasis on the first syllable. It's a verb, people. The noun form is "invitation", got it?
"Have the conversation" or the more specific "have that conversation"- What? You mean, talk?
"Bring it to life". This is a weird one, and I blame the rise of so-called storytelling in the workplace - this notion that we need to infuse our presentations with personal anecdote and drama in order to emotionally connect with our colleagues. Jesus. "Bring it to life" conjures images of corpses strapped to gurneys, hooked up to wires and levers, ripe and ready for zapping electrocution-style re-animation. The next person who uses this in my presence will get a zapping - in the nuts.
Special mentions go to "low hanging fruit", calling someone or referring to oneself as a "thought leader" and, despite having been ridiculed mercilessly by the writers of '30 Rock' for seven seasons, the ever-present "synergy".
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